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I Despise That The Person I Love Exists In My Heart Yet I Don’t Exist To Him

I feel conflicted. I’m so deeply relieved and happy that I was able to fall so crazy in love with someone.

I think that one of the saddest things is to have never experienced that ‘out of this world‘ type of love.

One of the saddest things someone asked me; was whether I’d ever loved before?

It was asked by a lady in her 30’s who was married and had 3 children.

I looked at her and said; well your married with kids, obviously you have experienced love before?

She answered; No, not marriage I’m talking about true love.

Wow I thought. It dawned on me that not everyone in a seemingly happy relationship is necessarily ‘happy’ per say, or where they want to be in their lives.

It made me realise that in a sense, I was lucky to experience what I have. Which is true love. (From my part, anyways.)

So yeah… I’m conflicted. Words can’t describe what being in love felt like. This is the closest I came to describing it:

*What does love feel like?*

– It feels like someone constantly tickling me in my tummy.

– Being the only person on earth who your love focuses on and everyone else vanishes.

– That anything is possible.

– Didn’t know what happiness was until I fell in love.

– My introduction to believing in ‘Forever’.

– The most intense/extreme of opposite emotions.

– Everything was more than alright as long as your love is there.

Now, though knowing that I may have been the only person in that relationship feeling the emotions that I do, has left me torn.

I feel like I’ve been left in ‘limbo’ and the sensation sucks!

It hurts. I feel like I’d really like to talk about it to get it off my chest, yet fear sounding like ‘a broken record’ which I’m afraid i do.

It’s so embarrassing and shameful. Till now I haven’t been able to find ‘common ground’.

My hope is that one day I ‘will’ and everything won’t be so hard as they seem to be now. This dull aching pain will subside and I’ll feel whole again.

That’s the downside to such a love, when it goes it can leave a person almost broken beyond repair.

I know I’m still trying to mend.

so the question is; Is It Worth It?

For me; Yes.

I hope you enjoyed my article and it helped you. If you’re a little fed up of stereotypes and would like to read a little substance, then; Check out my blog at http://www.jayjhonson.com

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