I feel conflicted. I’m so deeply relieved and happy that I was able to fall so crazy in love with someone.
I think that one of the saddest things is to have never experienced that ‘out of this world‘ type of love.
One of the saddest things someone asked me; was whether I’d ever loved before?
It was asked by a lady in her 30’s who was married and had 3 children.
I looked at her and said; well your married with kids, obviously you have experienced love before?
She answered; No, not marriage I’m talking about true love.
Wow I thought. It dawned on me that not everyone in a seemingly happy relationship is necessarily ‘happy’ per say, or where they want to be in their lives.
It made me realise that in a sense, I was lucky to experience what I have. Which is true love. (From my part, anyways.)
So yeah… I’m conflicted. Words can’t describe what being in love felt like. This is the closest I came to describing it:
*What does love feel like?*
– It feels like someone constantly tickling me in my tummy.
– Being the only person on earth who your love focuses on and everyone else vanishes.
– That anything is possible.
– Didn’t know what happiness was until I fell in love.
– My introduction to believing in ‘Forever’.
– The most intense/extreme of opposite emotions.
– Everything was more than alright as long as your love is there.
Now, though knowing that I may have been the only person in that relationship feeling the emotions that I do, has left me torn.
I feel like I’ve been left in ‘limbo’ and the sensation sucks!
It hurts. I feel like I’d really like to talk about it to get it off my chest, yet fear sounding like ‘a broken record’ which I’m afraid i do.
It’s so embarrassing and shameful. Till now I haven’t been able to find ‘common ground’.
My hope is that one day I ‘will’ and everything won’t be so hard as they seem to be now. This dull aching pain will subside and I’ll feel whole again.
That’s the downside to such a love, when it goes it can leave a person almost broken beyond repair.
I know I’m still trying to mend.
so the question is; Is It Worth It?
For me; Yes.
I hope you enjoyed my article and it helped you. If you’re a little fed up of stereotypes and would like to read a little substance, then; Check out my blog at http://www.jayjhonson.com
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